1

Conflict Resolution with Young Children

Preparing for Conflict (Class Activity)

Self –Reflection: Everyone has experience with conflict – from early childhood

days to the present. These feelings and memories can lead teachers to miss the

value of classroom conflict and to seek a conflict-free teaching environment.

Teachers need to take the time to reflect on her/his personal or professional

experiences with conflict.

1. What did you learn about conflict as a child growing up? 2. How do you respond or react to conflict (as an adult) in your personal life

today? 3. How do you respond or react to conflict (as an adult) in your professional

life? 4. What are your conflict “pet peeves” in the classroom (as a teacher)? What

conflicts just drive you crazy? 5. What conflicts in the classroom do you approach calmly and without

additional emotion? 6. Why the difference? 7. What do you want children in your classroom to learn about conflict? 8. What skills do you want children to learn as they grow, when they are in

conflict situations?

Conflict with Young Children (Lecture Notes)

A prepared teacher knows that conflict has educational and social value in

children’s development. S/he knows the value of classroom conflict and does not

seek a conflict-free teaching environment.

Conflict is a natural and daily occurrence in early childhood programs. It is typical

for young children in early childhood programs to experience conflict over:

 toys

 relationships

2

 ideas

 space

 power

 incomplete understanding

Through conflict, children learn. In order for the learning to promote positive

growth – emotionally, socially, and intellectually – classroom conflict is met with

support from adults who facilitate peaceful conflict resolution.

What is peaceful conflict resolution?

Peaceful conflict resolution in the early childhood classroom is working through a

problem or conflict in a way that does not physically, emotionally, or socially hurt

anyone involved.

Peaceful conflict resolution provides children with opportunities to feel competent

in handling situations and relationship. It fosters feelings of respect for the self and

other people, as well as respect for new ideas.

Methods of Discipline should support conflict resolution.

The following methods do not fit with young children’s development and are not

recommended.

 A quick encouragement to “use words”

 An insistence that children in conflict take turns or share

 Telling children how to solve a problem

 Making a child give up a toy to more insistent child

 Sending a child in conflict away to another activity

 Removing the sought-after toy

 Time out/punishment

 Asking children to say “I’m sorry” when they are not sorry

3

In these not recommended disciplinary responses:

 children do not have the developmental abilities to do what is being asked

(use words, take turns, give up a toy willingly)

 teachers are solving problems for children (insisting children take turns or

share, telling how to solve a problem, making a child give up a toy, sending

a child away from an activity, removing a toy, insisting children apologize)

 or children are not given an opportunity to learn (all of the above).

Teachers who value peaceful conflict resolution and understand the relationship of

conflict and social development will be thoughtful in their responses to children in

conflict.

Conflict Scenario (Class Activity)

After reading through the “Conflict Resolution Steps” on the next page,

read the scenario below. As a teacher, you step in to help the children in

this scenario resolve their problem using a conflict resolution process.

Describe what happens as you walk them through the steps. Write what

you say and how the children might respond.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION SCENARIO

Four-year-old Marta and Tui are arguing in the pretend area. Marta wants to

make a doctor’s office and have Tui bring her baby in because she is hurt.

Tui has both of the dolls and intends to take her “twins” shopping instead.

Their voices get louder and angrier. Marta shouts, “But I’m the doctor and

your baby fell off the chair. She broke her arm so you have to bring her to

me.” Tui insists, “No, I hate you! I’m going shopping.” Marta makes a grab

for the doll and the arm breaks off. Tui is in tears and Marta is wailing.

4

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: SIMPLIFIED

HighScope has a six-step process that can be used to help children resolve

conflicts that may arise during their day. I have incorporated their steps into the

ones that I have found useful over the years.

Step 1. STOP THE ACTION

Approach the situation calmly. Observe the situation, approach the children with a

calm voice, and sit with them on the floor. Stop any hurtful behavior (hitting,

pulling of toy, screaming, etc.) if necessary.

Step 2. ACKNOWLEDGE AND DEFINE CHILDREN’S FEELINGS

Describe the feeling you observe and the details of what you see. Define the

problem: Say something like “You both want the _________,” “You don’t like

having sand thrown in your face.” etc. SUPPORT the victim (if there is one)

WITHOUT shaming the aggressor.

Step 3. GATHER INFORMATION

Ask open-ended questions, directing your questions to one child, then another.

Step 4. RESTATE THE PROBLEM

Based on what the children say, clarify the problem and check your statement with

the children. GIVE words to help children identify their feeling. “You are very

ANGRY,” or “It is very FRUSTRATING when________”

Step 5. ASK FOR IDEAS FOR SOLUTIONS and choose one together.

Encourage children to talk to each other. Be prepared to give suggestions. When

children arrive at a solution, restate it and check with them to make sure they are in

agreement. HELP all parties come to an agreeable solution (taking turns, finding

another toy, playing together, doing something else, etc.) ENCOURAGE all

parties for their efforts. “You solved the problem.” “You used your words to let

each other know what you wanted!” “What a good friend you are.” “What a great

idea!” or even “You stopped screaming, good job.”

Step 6. Be prepared to PROVIDE FOLLOW-UP SUPPORT.

Sometimes solutions need clarifying as the children begin to play again. References: Retrireved 4/22/12 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HighScope

Guiding and Directing Young Children

(Relationships and Guidance)

Activity:

What does discipline mean to you?

1. Think about this for a moment…

2. Write your definition down on a piece of paper.

Discipline is the process of TEACHING (what they

can do) and GUIDING (putting limits on what they

can’t do).

We should strive to guide children to be

responsible and cooperative.

Why do children behave certain ways?

Why do children do what they do?

Understanding behavior means that we remove ourselves from the outcome of the

behavior and try and understand what the behavior is communicating.

Examples:

A tired child might act out during a field trip or at the end of the day.

You might bring a child to the grocery store during their naptime. (Poor timing)

A child might be hungry and act out.

**They aren’t necessarily acting out because of you!

How can we learn to see what the child is asking through their behavior (and stop

seeing or viewing the child’s behavior as good or bad, right or wrong)?

Why set limits?

Guiding children is an active role which helps…

 Establishing boundaries to keep a child safe (physically, mentally, socially,

emotionally, and spiritually). Setting limits helps assure the safety of each child and

adult.

 Children develop self-control; a sense of accountability for their own behavior

(includes hitting, back talking, kicking, etc.) It helps them learn about safety,

appreciation for property (prohibit the destruction of materials and equipment), good

health habits, and consideration for others (assures respectful treatment of all

people).

 Modeling positive problem solving and communication skills.

 Giving children as much power as developmentally appropriate. Help them regulate

their own behavior. Children grow up into healthy adults when they reach young

adulthood and understand that they are independent and are responsible for their

own lives and actions.

Are we there to punish or teach?

Punishment Vs. Teaching &

Guiding Anger Responsibility

Resentment Alternative

Behaviors

Revenge Actions/

Consequences

Sadness Good Judgment

Negative

Reactions

Positive

Results

*Table/chart taken from Peacebuilders workshop

• Punishment is defined as the infliction of pain, loss, or suffering for a crime or

wrongdoing

• It is designed to stop unwanted behavior by inflicting retribution that is painful

or unpleasant. It gives a behavior a negative consequence to decrease the

likelihood of its recurrence.

• While punishment may achieve immediate results, it will not teach alternatives or

enhance understanding of what should be done.

• Take a look at the chart below to see the consequences between punishment and

providing guidance (teaching and guiding).

Problems with punishment

 It’s negativity triggers a spirit of retaliation on the part of the child.

 Children who are frequently punished become more devious, not more cooperative.

When children are punished for trying things out and making mistakes in the process their sense of initiative and autonomy are squelched

 Punishment provides no opportunities for learning new, more effective behaviors

 Children can receive the message that it is okay to hurt people when you don’t like what they do.

 Physical punishment can lead to child abuse.

Harmful effects of punishment

Punishment leads to:

-Low self-esteem

-Negative self-concept

-Angry feelings

-Disengagement from school and the learning process

So what do you do instead?

The alternative to punishment is guidance.

1. Guidance is not permissiveness, nor is it a

simplistic manipulative reward system.

2. Guidance is a complex approach that involves

meeting needs, understanding developmental

issues, expressing feelings, preventing

problems and using a problem solving process.

Ask yourself…

When you are faced with

misbehavior are you

interested in changing the

behavior or are you

interested in controlling,

winning or making the child

suffer?

The teacher should recognize that mistaken behaviors are caused by inexperience, the influences of others, or deep unmet physical or emotional needs.

General guidelines…

1. Communicate what you are doing and why.

2. Check communication to see whether it is clear.

3. Build positive relationships.

A significant aspect of education is “relationships, relationships,

relationships.”

***It is important to keep in mind the fit between what you do (PRACTICE) and

your long term goals for children. If you want children to be kind, understanding,

etc. then you need to model it for them.

How does a teacher build positive teacher-child relationships?

1. The teacher relies on guidelines for expected behavior that are

worded positively rather than rules with negative wording and

implied threats.

2. The teacher models and teaches acceptance, cooperation and

empathy.

3. The teacher models and teaches conflict management.

4. The teacher avoids embarrassing or humiliating children.

5. The teacher uses removal or physical restraint as only as a last

resort.

6. The teacher works on managing his/her own feelings.

The teacher builds partnerships with parents

1. The teacher recognizes that being a parent is a difficult job.

2. The teacher uses a variety of methods to connect with parents; phone calls, visits, notes home, meetings, conferences, events etc.

3. The teacher avoids judging parents and makes the effort to connect with even the hardest to reach parents.

Guiding children….

 Helps children learn from their mistakes instead of punishing them for the mistakes they make

 Empowers children to solve problems instead of punishing them for having problems they cannot solve

 Helps children to accept consequences, but consequences that teach and leave self-esteem in tact instead of punish

What guidance is not…

 It is not just reacting to problems.

 It does not mean that the program won’t be

educational.

 It is not a sometimes thing.

 It is not permissive discipline.

Preventing unacceptable behavior

Set up an appropriate environment

Let the environment provide the limits

Model appropriate behavior

Redirect energy

Provide physical control when needed

Teach appropriate expression of feelings

Meet needs

Responding to unacceptable behavior

 Give feedback.

 Allow children to experience the consequences of their

actions.

 Catch children being “good.”

 Ignore misbehavior that is designed to attract attention.

 Teach pro-social behavior.

 Time out, taking away things (toys, dessert, etc.) being

grounded….these methods don’t meet the child’s

needs. Therefore they typically aren’t very effective. But

if you choose to use this method, use time-out

appropriately.

Time-out: two views

 Traditional: Child is removed to a time out chair or unoccupied part of the room as a consequence for wrong doing. It is intended that the child “think about” what they have done. The adult decides when the child may rejoin the group

 Guidance Perspective: “Cooling off period”. The teachers removes a child from a difficult situation and helps them to calm down so the two can then talk about and hopefully resolve the conflict. The intent is for the child to practice coping skills and the child decides when they are ready to rejoin the group.

Let’s take a look at 2 scenarios.

For the first scenario, we will compare the

Traditional model and Guidance Model approaches

to disciplining young children.

Situation: It is September and (Teacher) Alicia is just getting to

know her new class of four year olds. Today at lunch time Sam

and Jose were sitting next to each other laughing and talking,

neither one of them are eating much food but they are making a big

mess.

 Traditional Model

Alicia approaches the

boys, looks sternly at

them and says: “ Look

what a mess you are

making!, I am going to

move my chair to sit

between the two of you,

now please stop playing

and start eating.”

 Guidance Model Alicia moves her chair closer to the

boys and says, “ You two are having so much fun down here, what’s so funny?”

Alicia spends a few moments hearing about the boys joke, asks them how they like their food and tells them about the food she likes on her plate.

When the boys look like their done she reminds them that they can go play as soon as their area is cleaned up.

Alicia makes a mental note to herself to send a note home to both boys parents about the new friend each of them has made.

For the second/last scenario, try to figure out which

approach you might try as a teacher.

Situation #2: How might (Teacher) Maria figure

out how to guide these children?

Maria is a teacher of four year olds, she has a small class of 14 children and a very small classroom. Recently Maria has noticed that there are more and more conflicts over toys and space. Yesterday Noah and Joe told every girl that tried to come into the block area where they were playing with legos to “go away”. Maria helped the boys to work out the problem yesterday but now it’s happening again!

1

15 Techniques to use with children which invite cooperation

1. Give children valid, appropriate and limited choices. Limit use of commands. Offering options gives

the child a sense of empowerment. This works especially well with children who are strong willed and

in need of a great deal of control. Giving choices eliminates power struggles and “NO” answers.

ie: Do you want your milk poured into the green cup or the blue cup?

ie: You may walk to get your diaper changed or I can carry you. (either way, the diaper is getting

changed).

ie: Say “It’s naptime” rather than “Do you want to take a nap?” which offers the child the chance to

refuse. Don’t confuse the child by offering choices when the choices should be yours.

2. Build children’s competence and self-esteem. Help them develop responsibility. Allow them to do

small, achievable things to boost their self-confidence and learn the necessary life and social skills.

3. Respect the child and make him/her feel valued and special. Whenever your child misbehaves, the

message you communicate needs to remain the same – “I like you but I do not like your behavior.”

Make sure they understand that they are accepted and loved, but their behavior is not.

4. Use your voice as a tool; speak respectfully, firmly, but gently. Use your “strong” voice…which is a

firm, but low voice, and physically get down on the child’s (eye) level when talking to him/her.

5. State directions, instructions and suggestions in a positive manner. Avoid overusing the word

“no.” Say “No” by saying “Yes.” For example, if a child asks for a cookie too close to lunch time, say

“Yes, you may have a cookie right after we finish lunch.” Another example “Put games on the shelf

when you are done” will be more effective than saying “Don’t leave games on the table.”

Guiding Young Children

Strategies for Communicating with Children in the Classroom and at Home

Compiled by Michelle Moen

2

6. Give boundaries and stand firm. Children need to know boundaries and that the parent/teacher is in

charge; otherwise s/he will try to manipulate every time. Rules should be enforced consistently.

7. Using language of care and compassion, not blame and shame. Avoid shaming or bribing children.

Do not threaten your child. There is a difference between threatening and offering a consequence. A

consequence is an action which is the result of your child’s behavior. “If you dump all of the toys out of

the box, you will be responsible to pick them up.” Help your child understand that behaviors and choices

have consequences.

8. Have natural and logical consequences. They can be powerful teaching tools. Gently point out what

happened and why. “If you break your toy, you have no toy.” “We must not use marker pens on the

wall. Let’s get some soap and water and I’ll show you how to get the marks off. Then you can color on

paper at the table.” Another example “Oh, oh, an accident. Here’s a paper towel so you can wipe up the

spilled milk.”

9. Give a limited task. Describe only what needs to be done. It may seem overwhelming to ask a child to

“clean up your room” or “clean up the carpeted area.” It is more effective to assign limited tasks, such

as “Pick up the blocks, please.”

10. Acknowledge appropriate behavior. Use positive reinforcement. Catch your child doing things right!

“I really liked the way you listened. Good listener!” “Thanks for helping me. You’re a great helper.”

11. Forewarn before making a request. Children are generally more cooperative when they are given a

few minutes to finish what they are doing. “In five minutes it will be time to clean up the toys.” Or

“We will leave to go to the grocery store when the next commercial comes on the television. So please

have your shoes on.”

12. Provide interesting, fun and challenging activities and materials. Sometimes children “act out”

because they are bored.

13. Watch out for praise and rewards. Remember there’s a difference between praise and

encouragement.

14. Active listening (affirming what you have heard instead of reacting to what was said.)

ie: “You really want to eat a cookie before dinner.” (affirming) VRS. “Why do you always ask for

cookies before we eat dinner?” (reacting). Reflect the child’s feelings. Be permissive with feelings, but

not with behavior. Say “I understand how mad you feel when Nick grabs the shovel without asking, but

you may not push him out of the sandbox.” Or “I WANT you to have a turn with that toy, but it’s time

to eat right now. You can play with it right after we eat.”

15. End the day on a positive note. Regardless of your child’s behavior during the day, be sure to let your

child know that he/she is special and loved by you. Bedtime is not a good time to rehash the bad events

of the day but rather a time to set up positive, loving communication.

Our website has a team of professional writers who can help you write any of your homework. They will write your papers from scratch. We also have a team of editors just to make sure all papers are of HIGH QUALITY & PLAGIARISM FREE. To make an Order you only need to click Ask A Question and we will direct you to our Order Page at WriteEdu. Then fill Our Order Form with all your assignment instructions. Select your deadline and pay for your paper. You will get it few hours before your set deadline.

Do you need help with this question?

Get assignment help from WriteEdu.com Paper Writing Website and forget about your problems.

WriteEdu provides custom & cheap essay writing 100% original, plagiarism free essays, assignments & dissertations.

With an exceptional team of professional academic experts in a wide range of subjects, we can guarantee you an unrivaled quality of custom-written papers.

Chat with us today! We are always waiting to answer all your questions.

Click here to Place your Order Now