Dual Enrollment 1 ENG1105

Observation

Purpose To present an intriguing place, person or activity in your community ("community" may be broadly interpreted: it may be your hometown, another community to which you belong–like an athletic team or choir, the community here at Northwestern, etc.). You want to present this place, person or activity in an engaging and introspective way. Note: You cannot observe or participate in an illegal activity for this paper. Pre-writing Process Because the paper is observational in nature, your pre-writing work must include direct observations and interviews:

• This paper cannot be based on a past experience written from memory. • This paper must be based on both observations and interviews, not just one of those. • You may be a participant in this experience or just an observer. • Regardless, remember the following:

o Interview other people who are participants o Take time to “sit on the sidelines” and just observe

• Take detailed observation and interview notes to be able to present dialogue and vivid description. Content Observational essays are a bit more fluid than the structure of our other essays, but they must do the following within your essay:

• Introduce the subject–describing the place, person or activity • Demonstrate a careful reflection upon the subject • Make clear why this particular place, person or activity deserves such careful observation without

"hitting us over the head" with this subject's importance. • Show us why this subject is so interesting and attention-worthy as opposed to telling us.

Conveying a Thematic Impression

• Through well-placed anecdotes • Through dialogue • Through activities that convey the subject's importance & interest • Through direct description

Thesis The thesis in this essay will probably not be as overt as in the other essays. Rather, the underlying thesis will most likely be, "This person/place/ activity is endlessly fascinating, and here is why." Therefore, your entire essay will attempt to make this subject as engaging to the reader as it is to you. Required Elements

• Clear & compelling explanation of the person, place, or activity • Vivid descriptions and passages that show instead of tell • A sense of enthusiasm for subject that clearly comes through in essay • Organized approach: consider how you will go about presenting your subject to the reader • Optional element: Visual

The final draft must be a minimum of 1500 words.

Observation Essay Tips

 You get to decide how to organize it: will you organize it

chronologically, or group it by like things?

 It is NOT an autobiography: more about the person, place or

event than about you.

 Must use dialogue to push story along (internal dialogue is okay,

but there should be regular dialogue as well).

 Don't just describe: SHOW us!

 Keep your "silent" thesis in mind; what is it you want to show us

about this person, place or event?

 Some rules still apply: do not address reader ("you"); be careful

of being too conversational and casual; maintain organization.

 A central conflict would help define the essay and make it more

interesting. E.g. If I wrote an essay observing the goings-on at a

coffee shop, perhaps the conflict would be that I'm supposed to

be working, but my attention is diverted by all of the sights,

sounds and smells surrounding me. You don't have to insert a

tension or conflict, but it will make for a more interesting essay.

Center for Distance Education ENG1105

OBSERVATION ESSAY RUBRIC Name:________________________________

CONTENT “A” PAPER “B” PAPER “C” PAPER “D/F” PAPER

Establishes

Subject

Defines and describes subject

thoroughly, correctly and creatively,

anticipating audience familiarity

correctly; convinces audience in a

compelling way that subject merits

significant, insightful observation

Defines and describes subject

correctly, mostly anticipating

audience familiarity; convinces

audience that subject merits

insightful, intentional observation.

Defines and describes subject with some

depth; shows a small degree of audience

awareness of subject; somewhat

convinces audience that subject merits

intentional observation.

Subject is not clearly defined or

described; subject misrepresented by

writer; displays little to no awareness of

audience familiarity; does not convince

audience that subject merits insightful

observation

Presentation of

Subject

Overall view of topic is compelling,

lucidly stated early and concisely; is

consistently, effortlessly supported

throughout essay using vivid, active

descriptions of observations.

Overall view of topic is stated early

and mostly clearly; is consistently

supported throughout most of essay

using several vivid, active

descriptions of observations.

Overall view of topic is implied with

some coherence, but lacks precision –

struggles with genre; lacks vivid, active

descriptive support in several details.

Imagery struggles to convey connection

of thesis to observations

Overall view of topic is unclear or does

not fit the genre: supporting observations

lack descriptive relationship to subject

thesis or fall short of bringing images and

settings to life through vivid, active detail

and portrayal.

Development Development of subject is insightfully

appropriate to topic, conveying key

observation date with sensory appeals.

Organization of info effortlessly

facilitates reader’s grasp of subject

Development of subject is

compatible with topic’s data

although 1-2 areas sensory appeals;

organization of info is sound

Development of subject struggles – some

depth and some creative, sensory appeals.

Organization is difficult for reader to

follow in several places, distracting from

importance of topic

Weak development of subject; sensory

appeals are too few or missing;

organization style chosen for essay is ill-

fitting and the reader is left confused

about what is attempting to be conveyed.

Thematic

Impression

Writer’s insight into subject is astutely

implied or directly expressed through

intended weaving of recounted

observational data. Reader is able to

precisely recount author’s goal for

observation.

Writer’s insight into subject is

implied or expressed through

recounted observational data.

Reader is able to suggest author’s

intended goal for observation.

Writer’s insight into subject is suggested

through occasional expression of opinion.

Reader is unclear of author’s personal

impression of subject due to imprecise

relating of observations or their effect on

the author

Writer’s insight into subject is vaguely

suggested or absent. Writer simple related

facts from observations with little or no

commentary either expressed or implied.

Reader is left of uncertain of author’s

goal in observation.

Writer’s

Credibility

(Supporting

Research)

Uses personal experience and

significant, colorful interviews to

establish credibility, knowledge and

authority; presents a well-rounded

understanding of subject’s context and

significance

Uses personal experience and

interviews to establish credibility,

knowledge and authority; presents a

context to support understanding of

subject’s significance

Incorporates elements of personal

experience and interviews to establish

knowledge on subject; a context for

subject’s importance is detectable,

though not convincing

Authority on subject is questionable – has

not used personal experience or

interviews to establish relevance and

context of subject’s context to life

WRITING “A” PAPER “B” PAPER “C” PAPER “D/F” PAPER

Style Writing is superior to collegiate-level in

content, arrangement and style, showing

rich variety and elegance in its sentence structures and word choices

Writing is more than merely adequate for

collegiate-level work, showing some

variety and elegance in its sentence structures and word choices

Writing is adequate for the collegiate level but

shows little variety and elegance in its

sentence structure and word choices

Writing is not adequate for the collegiate level;

no variety or elegance in its sentence structure;

word choice is generally bland and cliche

Organization Unified and consistent pattern of organization with an apt introduction,

graceful transitions and a vigorous

conclusion

Unified pattern of organization with an introduction, transitions and conclusion

Displays a pattern of organization with a distinguishable beginning, middle and end

Lacks a distinguishable sense of order to the content: no beginning, middle or end

discernable

Unity/Coherence Entire essay demonstrates coherence and

unity; essay has a controlling and sustained sense of purpose & an exceptionally mature

level of though

Entire essay demonstrates coherence and

unity; has a controlling sense of purpose and mature level of thought for the most

part

With only a few exceptions, essay

demonstrates unity and coherence; has some sense of controlling purpose

Overall essay lacks unity and coherence

between sections; purpose of essay is nearly or completely indistinguishable; lacks maturity of

thought

Mechanics Essay averages 1 error or fewer per page in

usage and punctuation rules covered thus

far in the course (including spelling)

Essay averages 2 errors per page in usage

and punctuation rules covered thus far in

the course (including spelling)

Essay averages 3 errors per page in usage and

punctuation rules covered thus far in the

course (including spelling)

Essay averages 4 or more errors per page in

usage and punctuation rules covered thus far in

the course (including spelling)

Dual Enrollment 1 ENG1105

OUTLINE MODELS – OBSERVATION ESSAY

Option “A”—Chronological I. Introduction

A. Context details of subject B. Reasons for focusing on this particular subject C. Essential Thesis—refer to notes and class discussion

II. Body

A. Beginning i. First focus area: Include a combination of vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to the subject based on observation data

ii. Second focus area: Include a combination of vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to observation data.

iii. Third focus area: Include a combination of vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to the subject based on observation data

B. Middle i. First focus area: Include … ii. Second focus area: Include … iii. Third focus area: Include …

C. End i. First focus area: Include … ii. Second focus area: Include … iii. Third focus area: Include …

III. Conclusion A. Reassertion of Importance of Subject as an observation focus B. Restatement of Essential Thesis elements C. Clincher

Option “A” Example (modeled after “Their First Patient”*)

I. Introduction A. Setting of Anatomy Class B. Thesis—“Gross Anatomy is the essential and incomparable crucible of all first-year medical students at Duke and every medical school. I’m not here as a student but as an approved witness, writer and perhaps, potential body donor.” (Para 2)

II. Body A. Background and Intro to the study of Anatomy

i. Eighteenth history anatomical study vs. the modern study.

ii. The first day of Gross Anatomy is spent in lecture.

iii. Reminders that having these donated bodies is a gift.

B. 1st Day of Class i. The writer and the students take time to examine their body and various personal reactions are recorded.

ii. Students must prepare the bodies for their 2 month long exploration; this procedure becomes very thoughtful.

iii. The writer gives a play by play of the cutting procedure.

iv. The writer goes home to decompress about the day’s events.

C. The writer’s ongoing supplemental research i. The writer trains herself on an electronic Gross Anatomy Program.

ii. She finds the images vary significantly from the real body.

iii. The Anatomy professor reiterates the invaluable tool dissecting a real body is compared to a computer program.

III. Conclusion A. At the end of the semester, the class holds a memorial service for the donated bodies. B. The writer reiterates how invaluable the gift of donated bodies is to the science of medicine and the education of doctors.

Dual Enrollment 2 ENG1105

Option “B”—Thematic I. Introduction

A. Context details of subject B. Reasons for focusing on this particular subject C. Essential Thesis—refer to notes and class discussion

II. Body A. Relating of first focus area from observation data

i. This section will include the primary and most important quality/characteristic observed from all the data gathered from your observation/interview data. ii. Support this chosen quality/characteristic with vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to the subject based on observation data.

B. Relating of 2nd focus area from observation data

i. This section will include the next most important quality/characteristic observed from all the data gathered from your observation/interview data. ii. Support this chosen quality/characteristic with vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to the subject based on observation data.

C. Relating of 3rd focus area from observation data

i. This section will include the next most important quality/characteristic observed from all the data gathered from your observation/interview data. ii. Support this chosen quality/characteristic with vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to the subject based on observation data.

III. Conclusion A. Reassertion of Importance of Subject as an observation focus B. Restatement of Essential Thesis elements C. Clincher

Option “B” Example (modeled after “Soup”*)

I. Introduction A. The writer begins with a direct quote from the subject of the essay— Albert Yegenah—to set the tone of the essay. B. Thesis—“ Working like a demon alchemist in a tiny storefront kitchen at 259-A West Fifty-fifth Street, mr. Yeganeh creates anywhere from eight to seventeen soups every weekday.” Para 1

II. Body A. Yeganeh is obsessed with Health

i. The cook extols the nutritional benefits of soup itself. ii. Yeganeh is extremely particular about the sanitation of his food preparation and cleanliness of his shop. iii. He is very proud of the purity of his soup ingredients.

B. Yeganeh has strict requirements for customer behavior

i. He is not biased by race, religion or creed of his customers. ii. All customers must follow his rules for ordering soup in his restaurant

C. He is dedicated to his craft

i. He prides himself on being the soul of his restaurant as he sees himself as the reason for its success. ii. His restaurant focuses on the soup itself—not amenities other restaurants offer. iii. Yeganeh spends countless hours researching and perfecting his soup creations. iv. He has created around 80 varieties of soups over the years.

III. Conclusion A. All types of people are attracted to his restaurant. B. Despite Yeganeh’s lack of people skill and nonchalance with customer care, people can’t stay away from his kitchen’s product. C. Clincher: “He’s abusive …. But you can’t deny it, his soup is the best.”

Dual Enrollment 3 ENG1105

Option “C”—Flashback

I. Introduction – Chronological

A. Choose a high point or pivotal moment of “action” in your gathered data to open your essay. Set up the context of the situation, physical and emotional atmosphere of the situation and then leave us hanging as you move into the Body of the paper. B. Support this section with vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to the subject based on gathered data. C. Essential Thesis—refer to notes and class discussion

II. Body—For the body, you can organize your information either chronologically or thematically.

Chronological Organization – refer to Outline Option A for full model: A. Beginning

i. First focus area: Include a combination of vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response to the subject based on observation data …

Thematic Organization – refer to Outline Option B for full model: A. Relating of first focus area from observation data

i. This section will include the primary and most important quality/characteristic observed from all the data gathered from your observation/interview data.

ii. Support this chosen quality/characteristic with vivid description, interview quotes, and/or your own personal response …

III. Conclusion A. Bring your reader back to the scene you opened the essay with. B. You will want to recap the introductory details to some extent so that the reader can follow your “leap in time.” C. Resolve the tension of climactic moment for the reader using vivid detail and description. D. Reassert the Importance of Subject as an observation focus E. Restate the Essential Thesis F. Clincher

Option “C” Example

(modeled after “I’m Not Leaving Until I Eat This Thing”*)

I. Introduction

A. Jesse’s Place, a country juke where the writer’s personal struggle to eat a pig lip, is described for the reader. He sets up the high point of tension which his days spent gathering data has brought him to B. The writer not only gives a physical description of the setting, but uses the description to incorporate his own emotional battle. C. Thesis—“I’m not leaving until I eat this thing.” Para 2

II. Body – The Pig Lip business – thematic organization

A. The production line for processing pig parts at the Farm Fresh Food Supplier is described in detail. B. The process for acquiring the pig parts is discussed. C. The owner of the plant, Lional Dufour, explains the history of his plant and how he came into the business in the first place. D. Lional discusses his business philosophy for success.

III. Conclusion

A. The problem of eating the pig lip is reintroduced to the reader. B. The bar-owner’s wife notices the writer is having trouble eating the pig lip as does he nephew. They both comment on the situation to the writer. C. The writer utilizes a couple of different suggested strategies for eating the pig lip, and then actually follows through with taking a bite. D. The essay concludes with a final comment by the nephew before the writer intimates he may be brave enough to try eating pickled pig feet. *Example outlines based on essays from Axelrod, Rise B., Cooper, Charles, R., Warriner, Alice M. Reading Critically, Writing Well. Tenth Edition. 2014. Bedford/St. Martin’s.

XXXX, ENG1105-UP

Word count: 1,324

Broomball “The Game of Heaven”

The alarm clock blares loudly with music on a brisk Saturday morning in late February;

it’s almost noon, time to get up! With a fresh coat of powdery snow on the ground and frost on

my window, the anticipation inside me grows as I think about my upcoming afternoon. This

afternoon I’m going to play a game of broomball out on the lake with some friends. Though it

may be one of the lesser-known winter sport, broomball is one of the best. It is almost as much

fun to watch as it is to play. My youth pastor Jim used to always tell us that broomball is “the

game of heaven.” There’s no way to prove that, but there’s no denying that broomball is one of

the best outdoor winter games here on earth.

Broomball is not very well-known; outside of the upper-Midwest, not many Americans

even know that it exists. Broomball is a game similar to hockey in several ways. It is played

on an ice court much like hockey, it has the same goal cages as hockey, and uses brooms to hit

the ball much like the sticks used to hit the puck in hockey. There are a couple major

differences between hockey and broomball though. One of the most obvious differences is that

in broomball players can’t use skates. Another difference is that broomball uses a small ball

rather than a puck. Each broomball team consists of five players plus their goalie. The object

of the game is to have your team score more goals than the opposing team.

Gearing up for my afternoon, I remember to pile on the layers. Staying warm outside

won’t be a problem with all the clothes that I’m wearing. I start out by putting on a black, long-

sleeved shirt covered with a warm gray sweatshirt and I add the final layer, a fluffy coat. I put

on a pair of jeans and some handy-dandy water-proofed pants. I’m almost ready to step into the

frigid outdoors. All I have left to do is to layer on the wool socks, lace up my boots, strap on

my hat, and put on my new pair of gloves. “I better go out into the cold before I get too warm

in here,” I thought to myself.

I tromp through the snow and hop into my car. Other than to defrost the windshield,

there’s no need to turn on the heater in my car. My outfit is keeping me plenty warm on its

own. After a very short drive, I can see my destination. The big beautifully frozen lake is

covered with snow and has fish houses out in the middle of it. Closer to the shore is where the

broomball court is. The banks of snow act as the boundaries on all sides of the freshly-shoveled

court. The bright afternoon sun bounces steadily off of the clear, glossy court. The air sure is

cold out here, but what a wonderful afternoon for a broomball game.

I pull into a parking spot and hop out of my car. As I walk closer to the court, I quickly

grab one of the brooms out of the bright blue garbage can along the shore. I head out on the ice

to meet up with the rest of my team. I run across the snow and hop over the little snow bank.

Stepping onto the court I’d like to say that I gently glide to the middle, but I don’t quite make it

there. I fall flat on my back; the ice is a bit more slick than I thought it would be.

Unfortunately for me, a couple of my friends notice my not-so-graceful fall and laugh at me.

No hard feelings though; watching the other people slip and fall is just part of the fun of

broomball.

We compose ourselves as the two teams gather around in the center of the court;

everybody is geared up and ready for the game to start. As the players from both teams form

their huddles, the Mongoose team suddenly shouts out the infamous “mongoose cheer.” “M-O-

N-G-O-O-S-E go, mongoose, go!” With that, it’s time to begin the first half. The blaze-orange

ball is positioned right smack dab in the middle of the court. One player from each team goes to

the middle for the face-off. The count-off, “One, two, three, four.” Immediately the ball goes

flying across the court and the players quickly dart after it. Anyone within close proximity of

the court can hear the sounds of the players’ boots coming up and down on the ice, and the

brooms’ rubber ends hitting the ice as the players attempt to hit the ball. Players are only

supposed to use their sticks to hit the ball, no hands and no kicking. Again you see the bright

ball flying through the air as the players run back and forth on the ice. You can easily hear the

players sliding and colliding on the ice. Players often run into each other and fall over on their

own. Sometimes the falls end up looking pretty funny, and many times they leave their mark.

One of the most common broomball injury is the bruise. With sticks constantly

swinging after the ball, it’s not at all unusual for players to end up with big black and blue

bruises all over their bodies. From their elbows down to their shins, players are bound to end up

with at least one bruise somewhere. If a player’s not careful, he or she might even end up being

hit in the shins with a broom, or worse. With a